Cry Baby

I was a cry baby

I knew my mind would catch up with me one day

a day now that was or is way in the future of a life

for which death was unreal

for which death is unreal

even trees cry

under the blades

everything seems to be crying

for us to stop

the rage against death

against our names

against our faith and dreams

down down into the downess

of all flight

even then when I had no pronoun

or cause

or future

I would watch the gnats swarm over the lake

that was polluted with sewage

someone told me

a teacher I suppose

that gnats lived for only one day

they were born in the morning

and died at dusk

they didn't even eat

I cried

how could a life be lived in one

day?

without taking another life to live?

when love walked away

I cried

when I was hired to make money

I cried silently

at lunch break

I didn't eat

I pretended I was a gnat

and it would all be over

soon enough

which kept me from crying

that one day

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