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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

gathering dust

all my gestures were gathering dust
there is no need to be lonely
i told my shadow folded over
the silent piano

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Slip Fault

only here in this slip of time
where yesterday slips
against today
do I feel the relentless burning linger
where bliss
laid its hot wet kiss
on the frigid shoulder
of my deepest loneliness

it's only here
in this slip of time
where ordinary shrinks
in the shadow of extraordinary
that my life appears desolate

only in this gap
between what is
what was
and what might be
do I feel exposed
and naked
and small
as small as a human ant
in the cosmos of a billion unknowable
billions
a billion unknowable heartaches grinding
their way across a billion unknowable
ecstasies
a billion promises of love sliding against
the rough surface of my fears
and this fear, the greatest of all
of my single
solitary
and utter meaninglessness
without other
- without you

(March 2008)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

breathing air

you drove away today as it is always today as today always was
but will not always be as you found out today
my friend
i know that knife in the heart
that dull pain that announces the end of everything
and it seems insane to watch all that struggling
that held a life together
evaporate in pain that is unthinkable unspeakable
and absolute
there is one thing now we know and we know it from
different lives on breaths that hold up our different eyes
in the air
it is a wind within
that kills itself
a wind without motion
a wave that breaks but nothing
nothing at all
because all nothing
happens
while you enter into
absence
by letting go
of what is completely
present
to be present to
disappear into the past
i know my friend
that we don't know what anything
means in that moment
this
we share as long as we
are breathing air
*
for je

Monday, April 21, 2008

eye of the needle

tonight i will not light the light on the corner by the alleyway
for you
when you fly here after work on your high horses
your horses with wings
who have been unstabled
since making friends
with me
no light tonight
no candles no incense no eye of the needle
opening as wide as the sky
for the miracle
time passes
space yawns
and i pick up the phone which has become mute and sullen
in this silence
i can't hear clearly in such a hurry
my hands hurt and dislike me when i fiddle with whatever
object i can reach and finger
it takes me awhile
to remember
my manners
and to fold my hands across my self
and breathe
i sit here quietly for hours as in a bus depot
or an airport
with nothing to do until it is time to leave
*
adm 4/08

Cupping Water

here again is lonely sunset

and that familiar emptiness growing

even as the light itself diminishes.

like touching hands through a screen door

reluctant departure

yawning gap

between desire and

"the way things are"


how I feel each time you slip

from the passenger seat

into the cool arms of night.

cold metal and glass suddenly

a wall between me and you,

and your brisk steps away from me -

the last look over your shoulder

before you disappear behind the corner.


some kind of ship that sinks nightly

drowning the tiny clutching hands

of my attachments,

spilling their contents into the sea

of darkening night.

longing and desire set adrift -

flotsam in the currents of passing time


another day has slipped like water

through my fingers

and I have nothing to show

for the air and water and

sunlight consumed.

nothing but these aging hairs

upon my head imperceptibly

marking time

and this calendar inside

I cannot read.


what will I do with the sunlight

if given again tomorrow?


when will I be infinitely aware

that every moment, each exhaled breath,

is sunset?

and every next moment,

each new rising of my chest,

an un-promised sunrise?


when will I unflinchingly see

that time passes at the speed of light.

and yet, any moment cupped

like precious water in my hands,

holds infinitely still?


TC – March 30, 2008