Nautilus

Today i saw myself
through eyes
other than my own
as a tour-bus trundled by
nearly killing me
as i teetered on the corner
in my flip-flops
This bus
with its’ wide-eyed
multi-cultural cargo
staring at me -
a distracted strawberry blonde
with loose, low-slung jeans
eyes like a startled deer
as i stepped off the curb
somewhere in Waikiki
...I was thinking
about the day
i felt your sanity sink
around me
as though i’d stepped in quicksand
and as the bus
pushed me back onto the curb
with a rush of air
i heard the ocean
rushing liquidly
in my ears
or maybe it was
my heartbeat
just like the day
i took our son
and sent him safely an ocean away
knowing
there was only one lifeboat
and i had to stay
on this island
a reluctant Captain
on a sinking ship
i go down
into the ocean
into a life spent
treading water
as i wait for land to appear
as my son waits for me
somewhere
the only sound
for miles around
are the fists of the ocean
beating around my ears
like a heartbeat
keeping time
until the time
we can meet again