this house

no animals are allowed in this house
except for pets
i stood in the yard and looked up
at the big dipper
the same stars i saw when i was a child
i am childless
or else my children are strangers
i do not travel
i go to the city
i share a bed with a woman
but we do not touch
i work for money
that is insufficient to pay for my rent
and my food and clothing
so i beg borrow and steal
every chance i get
i use credit
which depresses my spirit
i owe more than i will ever repay
i have a degree that is worthless
i make art that is never seen
or sold
i have no hope for anything i haven't
already lost
i bring plants indoors
and forget to water them
i have dreams and visions
of the future which is blank
i have friends who are not friends
i love my lover for all the wrong reasons
the weather is strange we no longer
have four seasons
i feel hypnotized and polarized
disprized and super~sized
in a culture of liars i live my lies
just like all the others
i am finally ready to die
in this house that is not my house